my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Drake has all the answers
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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