he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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