Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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