i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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