I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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