I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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