WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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