you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
A+ Viking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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