you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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