I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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