96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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