you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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