In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize