He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm too high and old for this...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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