I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
do nipples grow back?
Randomize