Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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