Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
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Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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