Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize