I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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