We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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