My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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