My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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