Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize