I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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