Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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