guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Michael Bay diarrhea
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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