Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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