i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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