One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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