I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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