wakey wakey hands off snakey
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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