i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize