he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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