I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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