He is an equal opportunity slut.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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