living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
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I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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