At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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