The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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