I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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