His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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