cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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