my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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