I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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