if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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