She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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