Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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