The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize