"it" just moved
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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