would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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