and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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